Skip The Lines – Bring The Amusement Park Right To Your Own Back Yard

September 21, 2016

There’s no shortage of things to do in Atlanta. From professional sports to amusement parks, there’s something for everyone. In fact, Atlanta is proud to house some of the nations largest amusement attractions, including the ever popular Six Flags Over Georgia. Children (and adults) love the thrill and adrenaline rush of the large roller coasters. However, one thing most people don’t like about amusement parks is the long lines. By the time it’s all said and done, you can spend several hundred dollars for your family to have an afternoon of fun, and only get a few rides in. This year, instead of spending the day waiting in long lines for short rides, why not bring the fun right to your back yard? With today’s technology, you can literally do just that! One of the advantages of living in a large city like Atlanta is that we have large rental companies that can make your special event feel just like a trip to Six Flags… complete with a train and an ice cream cart!

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If you’re trying to replicate the amusement park feel, there are definitely specific items that you’ll want to be on the lookout for. As mentioned previously, ice cream carts and trackless trains help make the special event feel more like a day at Six Flags.In order to make your next special event more special, try some of the following tips:

Head online to do some research on the party rental company that has the selection your looking for. If you want an ice cream cart to complete your theme park adventure, look around until you find what you’re looking for.

Don’t settle for the first website you see. There are literally hundreds of inflatable party rental companies in Atlanta. Keep looking for a website that offers a wide variety of rental items that you’re looking for.

It’s better to rent everything from one company. Renting in bulk can help you save money. Larger companies will offer discounts for larger purchases of multiple units and rental items.

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Having a day of amusement park fun is cheaper and easier than ever before. By bringing the amusement park to your front door by using a party rental industry, you can include more people at a lower price. So next time you’re planning a special day, instead of spending tons of money for just a few people and braving the long lines of amusement parks, invite the whole neighborhood and bring the amusement park right to your own back yard!

Information on Online Games

October 16, 2016

There are many places that offer free online games for a person to fill their spare time with. There is a countless number of people who participate in online games each day, and many of those people would admit to how addictive these games can be. If you have found yourself with spare time to fill but are unsure how to utilize this time, why not check out one of the different types of free online games available on the internet.You can find games online to entertain anyone in many different age groups. There are several games available for young children, teenagers, and adults. Many of the games you would find online are targeted for a specific age group. The ones that are geared towards younger children are often times educational and interactive. On the other hand, the ones created for adult entertainment are usually constructed in such a way that the only thing they provide to their users is a way to beat boredom. So what are the many different types of games available on the internet today?

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One of the most popular online game genres is the multi-player RPGs. These allow a massive amount of players to be in the game at the same time. The unique thing about these games is that everyone is playing their own personal game while being able to interact with the rest of the gamers who are online at that same moment. These games generally revolve around a fantasy world in which people have created characters. While playing the game you are supposed to remain in character at all times and submerse yourself into the idea of this fantasy Kingdom. Many of these games require a membership at some point to be able to progress further in the game. However, there are some available that are completely free to use.Another popular way to fill your spare time is to play one of the millions of flash games available on the internet. You can find a game about almost anything, and these games are usually easy to beat but very addicting when playing. The type of flash game you might find online would include shooting, racing, puzzle, and other silly stress relieving games.Children can enjoy one of many different education games available to them virtually. Almost any cartoon on television has a game that goes along with it online. The best thing about many of these games is that children are learning valuable moral or scholastic lessons without even realizing it. To them, it does not feel like a chore to play these games and in return, they are subconsciously soaking up the information that is being fed to them throughout the game.

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There are millions of free online games available to play. Finding them is extremely easy and in many cases, there is not much required of your computer to play them. There are many different types of online games, that was not even touched upon in this article. It would be impossible to count the amount of free online games available to a person today. The next time you find yourself with some time to kill why not check out one of the millions of games available online.

Book Ghost Writing As a Process

September 5, 2016

It’s an interesting relationship between a book ghost writer and her client, the book author. The client has the original ideas for the work, and the ghost writer is there to bring them to full fruition. In other words, they work on the book together, with the book ghost writer being a professional who does most of the actual writing of the book, while the client only assists with the ideas.Well, not exactly. There’s more to it than that. In fact, the client or original book author is an integral part of the process, and in fact is writing his own book through the book ghost writer. Book ghost writing is a process, which I’m going to try to break down for you my way, fine-tune experienced after over a decade of book ghost writing. It begins with the client, and is finished through the work of the ghost writer.The client starts the process, after contacting and hiring the ghost writer, by signing a book ghost writing contract with the writer outlining everything important, such as the legal rights of both parties, who exactly keeps the copyrights, who gets the credit for the book or shares it, etc. Then the client makes a small deposit, such as $5,000 to start, for keeping the professional writer’s time open to work on the book. This can be a completely non-refundable deposit, or half of it can be refundable under certain circumstances, such as the client cancelling the project or the book ghost writer being unable to begin work on it.Once the project begins, a great first step is for the client to create a book outline and a time line laying out the book’s contents in chronological order. These documents can be sketchy at first, worked on more and filled out later, even being expanded into a table of contents as a further guide for working on the manuscript. Each document only needs to be about one page long. They engrave nothing in concrete, and each can be altered to suit the needs of the overall project.

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Next, emails containing attachments in Word or Word Perfect documents, and in my case I prefer to work in Word, are exchanged between the client and the writer. The client starts this by typing out from the beginning of the book until the end, in gradual stages as needed, the book’s contents as envisioned. This can be added to later, and fully edited and rewritten by the ghost writer. Basically, the client at least needs to lay out the ideas of the book as expressed by him, and then flesh them out somewhat for the writer to have material from which to work.The book ghost writer can do light to heavy research and add related new material by using the resources of the Internet and the local library system. The emails and phone calls between both parties assist the professional writer in shaping, creating, editing, rewriting, proofreading and fully completing the book manuscript. Along the way, the client or book author shares ideas, tells the book ghost writer how he wants his manuscript laid out and written, gives the writer details of the book, and supplies more general ideas and guidelines about the book’s materials.It is best if the client sends all of the actual information to be worked on with his ghost writer in several email attachments, rather than sending them over the phone or in the bodies of emails as written copy. Some background materials can be on real paper, but generally ghost writers can’t work from handwritten notes, and while some ghost writers use scanners and can scan in typed documents, it’s easier to already have the documents in electronic format. MS Word is the most common software.Phone calls can be made on a regular basis; you can also arrange Skype conferences and IM or instant message meetings. It’s best for a book ghost writer to always have written records, albeit electronic ones, of everything, so I try to avoid phone calls except for using them for info about the project, not the project itself, or to bring each other up on what’s going on in general. I like to have everything in emails and attachments whenever possible. It’s something solid and reliable in front of me, which I can check on all throughout the project.The client basically lays out the book’s ideas and overall structure, and the ghost writer fleshes everything out and edits it into a professional, readable, polished book, also properly formatting the manuscript and preparing it to be presented to a literary agent and then a commercial, independent, boutique or self-publisher. The book ghost writer may only ghost write the work in progress, and a separate copy editor and even a separate proof reader may be hired to go over the finished manuscript; or the ghost writer may offer included editing and proof reading services. I do this myself when I ghost write, including the price of editing and proofing the manuscript within the overall book ghost writing price. However, if you can afford this, it’s always wise to hire another outside book editor for a second set of eyes.The client may ask questions or raise concerns with the book ghost writer at any time during the book ghost writing project. This should be encouraged by any professional writer in order to facilitate the process of creating a solid, well thought out and well written manuscript that reads smoothly, has few typographical or other errors, has been thoroughly fact checked by both parties, and is otherwise ready to present to an agent and then a publisher. The writer’s job is to help the client, the original book author, to craft a book that reads if needed as though it was written by the author client, or at least one that reads professionally well. The ghost writer may work in either the client’s voice, which should come through in the client’s original writing, or in her own voice if the book author doesn’t mind some added creativity in the process.

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Also, credit for the work may be shared, with the book ghost writer’s name being featured on the cover under the famous “As told to… ” method underneath the book author client’s name. Or the ghost writer can be not mentioned, with all credit, royalties and success going to the author client. In either case, the advance payment made to the professional writer is her main resource, as the thrust of writing a book for someone else is to make a living at helping you to produce your book project. The writer deserves the relatively high pay, as the book project often lasts from three to six months or longer, and the client is supposed to receive a well written, beautiful, awesome new book, one which hopefully will sell to its selected markets.At our company, we have many resources at our disposal which involve assisting you in finding an agent and publishing your book, and methods for marketing, promoting and selling your book. We can also guide you to our partners and other networks outside our company which will assist you in arranging book advertising and sales. You may already have business or personal sources you can also use to promote sales.One last thing: remember that you aren’t writing a book only for yourself, or even just your family and friends. You’re creating a wonderful work of art for both its readers and your long-term posterity, so you should aim for capably reaching out to its audience. Keep your readers forever in mind, trying very hard to write more for them than merely for you, your dreams and your book ghost writer.

Sedation Dentistry: It’s Important to Understand Different Types of It

October 9, 2016

One of the biggest reasons for people to avoid any visit to a dental clinic is the fear of the equipment. Now let me tell you something – The dental professional which you will choose is qualified enough and has years of experience. They will never perform any procedure (surgical or non-surgical) without any precaution. So for the purpose of surgical procedure dentistry has a new development called sedation dentistry. The information present in this article is for you to understand that sedation dentistry is safe and really important.Honestly you must not have heard much about sedation dentistry but it has been in existence since a really long time. There is one sedation dentistry technique which is being since 1840s till date. In this technique your dentist will use Nitrous Oxide popularly known as laughing gas. Furthermore the use of ether in general sedation was introduced in the dentistry vertical by a Welsh Student.

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Sedation Dentistry is apt for those patients who have the tendency of feeling anxiety when they have to undergo a dental treatment. Sedative can be used for any sort of dental treatment whether it is surgical or simply tooth whitening and cleaning. So basically sedation dentistry helps a patient to relax and feel nothing while undergoing a dental treatment. At times this procedure is referred to as sleep dentistry however the fact is that even though sedatives are applied patients are still awake.Sedation Dentistry involves four levels:• Minimal: Where-in the patient is awake but is completely relaxed.
• Moderate: You won’t remember every detail and step of the procedure but you might speak in a dizzy tone.
• Deep: Not completely awake and not completely unconscious.
• General: You will be completely unconscious.This form of dentistry is categorized into four types. These types have been mentioned below:• Inhaled minimal: Here you will be breathing in laughing gas or Nitrous oxide. The gas is inhaled in combination with oxygen through a mask. It helps in relaxing your entire body and nerves.• Oral: You will be given a pill an hour before the procedure will start. The sedation can range from minimal to moderate depending upon the total dose. The effect will be that you will feel drowsy but will still be awake. You might even sleep but can be awaken by a little shake.• IV moderate: You will receive this sedation through a vein. The effect is quick.• Deep: This will make your body completely unconscious. You won’t wake up unless the effect of sedative subsides.Apart from all these sedatives that are being used you will also receive a local anesthesia. This will help in numbing the area where your dentist will perform the procedure.

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As mentioned before sedation dentistry is best for those who anxiety problem. This problem prevents them patients from visiting the dental clinic. The other reasons why sedation dentistry is best for you are:• You cannot tolerate pain
• You can’t sit at the dentist’s chair
• Tooth Sensitivity
• You gag too soon
• Some major dental problems to be fixed in terms of surgery.You need to tell your dental professional that you suffer from any of the above listed problems. After gauging the dental problem he/she will then decide whether you will undergo sedation dentistry or not. They will also decide the type of sedation which is right for you.There is no harm in looking into sedation dentistry. You must know that a dentist who is performing this procedure is someone who understands your problem and is ready to work with you.

Why Personal Finance Software Is Important

October 4, 2016

Why personal finance software is important These days, technology has really revolutionized people’s way of life, including their financial life. Back in the day, most people used a pen and paper to document their earnings, spending, and finances.What is personal finance software?Home finance software refers to a financial tool that enables you to prepare a budget, track your expenses, and check your overall finances. These days, there is no valid reason why you should be disorganized and mired in debt because there are many good personal finance programs that you can use to keep track of your money, plan your future, and completely control your finances. If you have a PC or laptop, you are lucky because you can easily find good home finance software at little cost. Application programmers have now catered for the high demand for these applications as they now come with all sorts of functions and capabilities that can save your money, time and effort.

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AnalysisYou can now analyze your finances unaided. However, this kind of analysis can be much easier if you have some accounting background. Finance software will analyze your important financial details. Details such as your monthly expenses will stick out. Many personal finance applications also allow personalization. If there is one particular aspect you want to know about your finances, you can simply create a specialized analysis. Many personal finance programs can also give you a monthly analysis-an excellent way to see how you actually spend your money on a monthly basis.Budget creationWe all know the importance of a personal budget. But creating a real budget that you’ll stick to is easier said than done. You can find a personal finance application that creates a realistic budget for you. Simply enter your basic information into the software and quickly create a simple budget.Checkbook balances and bill paymentsSometimes you’ll fail to pay bills on time. When it happens, interest rates are more than likely to shoot up. Fortunately, you can avoid this mistake once and for all. Look for a personal finance application that’ll remind you when to pay your bills. Likewise, you can accomplish balancing your checkbook by just ticking a box. Sum up any amounts withdrawn from your account and check carefully anything that seems suspicious. Once you have everything on record, it becomes much easier to know how your finances are faring.

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Trust yourself and no one elseWhen it comes to finances, it is best to keep track of all you have carefully. You may trust your finances with your financial adviser, but it is still important to know where every cent is at, always. With a personal finance application, your money will never be far away from you. Whether you are paying bills, balancing your checkbook, tracking your paycheck, or creating a personal budget, you should not live without personal finance software.

Affordable California State Child Health Insurance Plans – I Can’t Pay Much

September 9, 2016

Finding Affordable or No Cost Insurance For Your ChildEvery child needs dependable health insurance. However, not all parents can afford the full cost of private medical insurance. As a result, there are a variety of programs offered by the state of California and private organizations that can provide health care to financially strapped families. Through these programs, there should be no child in California that doesn’t have health insurance.In the sections below we will give an overview of the child health insurance programs that are available in California. Some of these plans provide complete coverage for children at no cost, and others provide just the basic services. Then we’ll outline the steps parents should take to find the best program for their children.Medi-CalThis is the name for California’s Medicaid program. The program is administered by California, and is financed equally by the Federal and State government. Medi-Cal provides no cost health insurance to low-income families, seniors, and people with disabilities. People that qualify for Medi-Cal can receive free preventive care, treatment for injuries and illnesses, dental care, vision screening, and mental health treatment.This program is one of the cornerstones of the Affordable Care Act, and will expand considerably to take in new people in 2014.Healthy FamiliesThe healthy families program provides low cost health insurance to the children of low income families. This program provides a variety of services such as medical, dental, visions, and preventive care. The program requires families to meet certain income requirements which may viewed at the following link: http://www.healthyfamilies.ca.gov/HFProgram/Income_Guidelines.aspx

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The Healthy Families program is being rolled into the Medi-Cal program during 2013. The transition plan will ensure that families do not see a disruption in services, and will increase the benefits that children receive once inside of Medi-Cal. Healthy Families is still accepting applications for new children.Child Health and Disability Prevention Program (CHDP)This is not an insurance program. However, the program does assist low income families in obtaining preventive care and health assessments for their children. CHDP provides checkups, nutrition evaluations and guidance, immunizations, hearing, and vision screenings. This program is administered by the state Department of Health Care Services (DHCS). The program helps families determine their eligibility for assistance programs, and enroll in the appropriate care program, such as Healthy Families and Medi-Cal.Children’s Health Initiative (CHI)Children’s Health initiative is run by an independent non-profit known as The Institute For Health Policy Solutions (IHPS). CHI works with many counties to reach the low-income families with children that don’t have health insurance. CHI works with families whose income is less than 300% of the Federal Povery Level. By providing technical support and guidance, programs are created in each county to create “Healthy Kids” insurance plans in a partnership with the local communities and businesses.CHI helps families determine which state programs they qualify for, and can assist in the enrollment process.For information about CHI in your county, see the following map of California: http://www.ihps-ca.org/localcovsol/cov_initiatives.htmlCalifornia Children’s Services (CCS)CCS is a state program that provides health care assistance to children up to age 21 with special health problems. The program works with Medi-Cal and Healthy Families to provide case management and ensure that children receive the right care and see the right physicians for their special health needs. Examples of special health problems are cystic fibrosis, hemophilia, cerebral palsy, heart disease, cancer, and traumatic injuries.Steps You Should Take To Find Affordable Child Health InsuranceIf the mother of a baby is enrolled in Medi-Cal or the Aid for Infants and Mothers (AIM) program, then the steps below will not apply for getting baby health insurance after birth. In this situation, the baby will be transferred into Medi-Cal with the mother, or into Healthy Families or Medi-Cal if the mother is in the AIM program. For all other situations, use the steps outlined below.

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The first step is to look at the coverage map for the Children’s Health Initiative above. If CHI has an active program in your area, then this program can act as your partner in helping you get into the correct health program.

If CHI is not active in your county, then contact the Child Health and Disability Prevention Program. This office can help you through the process of finding the correct program and assist you in filling out the necessary forms, or they will put you in contact with a local office for assistance.

If neither of the steps above works, then you should contact your local Medi-Cal office. Medi-Cal will be your lowest cost solution, so start with this program

If you do not qualify for Medi-Cal, then contact the Healthy Families program.
No child in California should be left without health insurance. By providing the proper care and nurturing, we ensure a better future for our state. The programs we have outlined above can provide families with financial difficulties, the health care their children need. The first move is to follow the outlined path, taking one step at a time, and enrolling your child or children.

Black History Month And The First Black Republic: A Link Long Forgotten

August 27, 2016

In February each year, Americans of African descent join all other Americans to celebrate Black History Month. In many quarters of the United States and other parts of the world, celebrations of this historic event take place. Accordingly, the significance of observing a black history for a full thirty days should be viewed and manifested in many more ways than merely recalling the Emancipation Proclamation that “freed” black people from the shackles of slavery. Certainly, “a black history” in its entirety transcends the Civil Rights Movement that legally “ended” black-white segregation particularly in the United States.Even more so, the emphasis of honoring a Black History Month must be placed far above President Barrack Obama’s assumption of the presidency of the United States as the first African American to do so. Although a well-orchestrated “million-man” march on Washington in 1963 marked a pivotal point in the black man’s liberation struggles, it does not nearly define the essence of observing a full month of black history as an end in itself.It is common knowledge that the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s headed by the late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was at the height of the black liberation struggles. As significant as this historical event may seem, it was but a part of the global picture of the black man’s struggles for freedom.Therefore, it must never be seen as a cut-off point where the battle for ‘equal rights for all’ ended. It goes without saying that to assume so would equal to a presumption that with the passing of the Civil Rights Act, the struggles for equal rights and justice was over for all people of color. The truth is that to this day, there remain many more challenges for descendants of freed slaves. Lest I be misunderstood, this is not to argue that the achievements of Dr. King and the likes of him do not hold very significant place in the annals of black history. They certainly do, to say the least.My concern here, however, is about perception, especially on the part of those who were (and still are) direct beneficiaries of the resulting effects of those great movements and concepts. Take (for example) in contemporary America, how does the average African American relate all of his rights guaranteed under the Constitution of the United States to an opportunity for success? How does the average African American utilize his god-given ability to learn and sharply compete in a world plagued by rivalries and fierce competition? How do the legacy of Dr. King & the Civil Rights Movement on the one hand and the legacy of Dr. Carter D. Woodson & Black History Month on the other, influence the ambitions of black people to attain formal education and other technical skills? What necessary measures are needed by descendants of free slaves that will ultimately gravitate them to better paying jobs and other luxuries of life? Working towards conclusive answers to these inquiries will go a long way in making Black History Month the single most proficient way to immortalize all liberation movements that fought to attain equal rights and justice for all people. Besides accentuating a commitment to perpetually keep alive the legacies of Dr. Carter D. Woodson, Activist Frederick Douglas, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and many others, this will ultimately keep their heavenly spirits in absolute balance and unending joy and happiness!Black HistoryIt is in this respect that I strongly believe that in paraphrasing the history of black liberation during programs marking the observance of Black History Month, the story must be told as accurately as possible by, at least, highlighting significant details. As the old adage says, “that which is not done legally, is not done at all”. In much the same way, a history not completely retold is, at best, a history not told at all! More often than not, stories after stories of great black heroes in nearly every aspect of American and world history are told each year as we observe Black History Month. Interestingly, mentions are never made of the significant transition from slavery to freedom and the subsequent demonstration by the early freed men to self-govern.A case in point here is the display of magnificent skills and bravery by a handful of the emancipated slaves who, using their god-given talents, institutionalized a nation state and subsequently declared a free and independent state nearly a hundred and sixty-five years ago. In consequence of the repeated failures of keynote speakers at Black History Month celebrations to dwell on the single most important achievement of blacks, the number one success story of those noble men and women are hardly bought into the spotlight. It is appalling that at programs commemorating Black History Month, we repeatedly hear of a few great black inventors, singers and the likes but black political geniuses who founded and declared political independence of a sovereign black state as early as the mid 19th century are never mentioned for once. I am uncertain of what the opinion of my readers might be on this, but I sturdily feel that the quest and subsequent attainment of political independence for an all-black republic nearly two hundred years ago, supersede all other achievements in all black history. I stand corrected!The gravity of this arduous achievement may be better understood when one considers, for example, the establishment of the first Negro Republic of Liberia in the first half of the 19th century (J. Horton & L. Horton, Slavery And The Making of America, 95). Following this remarkable achievement,it took more than a hundred years for the first set of black nations on the continent of Africa to gain political independence from their European white colonial masters. Here in the United States, it took unreasonably longer before the first civil rights act was singed into law. Ultimately, when it came to the pursue of happiness and the right to liberty for the early black man, what more could be more fulfilling than the right to self-governance? Regrettably, emancipation accounts are repeatedly narrated during these great black national events far short of this indisputable account.

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I hesitate not to argue further that this (outright) failure by renowned speakers during Black History festivities to make mention of The Declaration of Independence of a free & sovereign black state on the West Coast of Africa by emancipated slaves is like an attempt by a serpent to move past its head. What this does invariably is making an attempt similar to presenting a specialized profile of a region without reference to the inhabitants of that region. What other achievements could be greater than the attainment of political independence for a people held in bondage for hundreds of years? Just as they remained fully cognizant that generations after generations of their ancestors were held in oppression for nearly three centuries in the Americas, many of these black heroes got first-hand experienced of slavery as well. Pursuant to their personal experiences of the greatest human tragedy in all of history, the freed men never took for granted the right to freedom and the pursuit of happiness.It is out of this concern that as America observes Black History Month each February, I wish to bring into focus an often ignored (but the single most significant) achievement of the black man in the post emancipation era. I have spent a number of years working in public related institutions where the observance of Black History Month is taken seriously each year. Institutions and individuals at all levels in society often attend programs commemorating these events. Many invitees at these functions participate in activities ranging from singing church spirituals to celebrities performing popular stage shows. Often, top academia are called to present “professional” research papers on various topics in black history. It is astonishingly disgusting to note that even at such well organized and intellectual events, the attainment of self-governance by free black slaves are never indicated, much less discussed. Until the meaning of Black History Month fully encompasses the single most significant achievement of freed slaves, the salinity of the observance itself will remain far-fetched.The more I ponder over the inept approaches used by heirs of those great black heroes and the failure to duly memorialize their ancestors, the greater I sense some irresistible urge to bring into the spotlight the forgotten link between Black History Month and the early successes of people of color in their fight for equal rights and self-governance. Overall, the first and foremost agenda item for those black pioneers was a genuine quest for self-governance and the pursuit of happiness that would include the right to freedom and justice. By way of emphasis, I reiterate here again that it is important that the history of the African American is not told until someone forcefully and truly tells the entire story. While the intent of this brief article is not to retell black history, I shall endeavor to speak briefly to the necessity of bridging a significant link (long broken & forgotten) between Black History Month and Liberia, the first black republic.As I do so, some efforts will be made to expound on the extended determination for freedom by an oppressed people and the glaring similarities between the former and the latter. To enhance this review, let us slip back into history for a short while.The oldest recorded history of what is known today as Black History Month dates back to 1915 when one Dr. Carter D. Woodson and Rev. Jesse E. Moorland co-founded the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History, acronym ASNLH (biography.com/blackhistory: 1/20/2011). Primarily, the objective of the Association was to research and bring awareness to the ignored but important and crucial role blacks played not only in American but also in world history. In just one year, Woodson published his findings in the Journal of Negro History. The intent of that publication was to cast out all misconceptions about the Negro. Additionally, it attempted to educate black people about their cultural background and to instill in them some pride in their race.Carter Woodson himself, who was the second black man to receive a degree from Harvard University, was the son of a former slave. He understood the importance of education and advocated the preservation of one’s heritage. A fraternity group called PSI Phil created Negro History & Literature Week at Woodson’s request in 1920. In just six years later (1926), Woodson changed the name to Negro History Week. He then selected the month of February primarily to honor two men whose actions radically (but positively) changed the future of all (black) Americans. The one was President Abraham Lincoln, born on February 12, who issued the Emancipation Proclamation and the other was Frederick Douglas who was born February 14. Douglas, too, was a tireless advocate to end slavery.Woodson and the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History, provided learning materials to teachers, black history clubs, and the larger community. In 1950, Dr. Woodson died but his legacy continued as cities and organizations through out the country adopted the celebration of Negro History Week. During the Civil Rights Movements of the 1950s and the 1960s, the observation of the week gained prominence as the focus turned more and more on the significance of black cultures (biography.com/blackhistory: 1/20/2011).This, in effect, moved the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History (ASNLH) to change Negro History Week to Black History Week. The ASNLH is now called the Association for the Study of African American Life and History (ASAALH). The week was extended in 1976 to a one-month long observance.It is little wonder, therefore, that today Black History Month is celebrated through out the United States by not only school kids, but also by everyone in the USA including teachers & university professors, doctors, lawyers, paraprofessionals, economists, politicians, men, women and everyone in between.When President Abraham Lincoln signed into law the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863 (J. Horton & E. Horton, 187), major revolutionary changes ensued which brought some level of freedom and sanity to enslaved Africans for the first time in over two hundred years. However in the decades following, the freed men were left with daunting challenges including the need for food, adequate shelter & clothing, and (perhaps more importantly) the natural urgings for self-governance.The Founding of Liberia: “Land of the Free”I was born and raised in Liberia; a small West African country with a population of under four million people. As a child, I attended public school where I learned first to write and then speak English under American English instructors. All through grade and junior high school, my instructors were American volunteered teachers (Peace Corps) who were exceptionally inspirational and who proved to be true fountain of knowledge for kids of my age. We learned to write and (tried) to speak the American version of English as opposed to the British style. We were taught the American way of doing arithmetic. We studied American literature and read great American folktales such as those of Paul Bunyan and Gulliver’s Travel. In grade school, we learned and recited the four seasons and other climatic conditions of the United States. Exclusively, we used American textbooks and learned a great deal of everything American, though we were not American children.Outside of our academic milieu, we again tried to do everything American, from soul music to soul limbo on the dance floor, for instance. When we honored calls from our teachers to perform a chore after school at a teacher’s house or when we were asked simply to complete a special assignment, we were always given something to eat or drink as some form of positive re-enforcement.In a way, this helped us as kids to acknowledge American generosity. At grade school level and with limited English vocabulary, these gestures gravitated us to our American tutors and allowed a bond of relationship that did not exist between some of my peers and their biological parents. Some children my age and some older kids went the extra mile and dressed the American way as they spent their last dollar (allowance) to purchase fancy baggy pants and go-go shoes. With the passage of time and as we became little more fluent at speaking and writing English, the bonds of teacher-student relationships between our American teachers and some socially ambitious students became stronger. Our utopian view of America broadened as we grew older. A substantial number of these kids later married to their former instructors who now live happily as couples in the US today.I have deliberately drawn my childhood experience into this discourse simply to draw attention to the conspicuous similarity between the cultures of Liberia, the first black independent state, and the people of the United States as viewed from the perspective of the African American community. Prior to the overthrow of government in 1980, the official currency of the Republic of Liberia was the United States dollar. This reality is rooted deeply in the fact that Liberia was founded by former slaves who shunned mediocrity and rose above pettiness to establish a sovereign state. Since independence in 1847, nineteen of Liberia’s twenty-two presidents were emigrants who were sons and grand sons of former slaves from the United States. As a nation state, Liberia has played and continues to play pivotal role in international relations. As a founding member of the United Nations and the Organization of African Unity (now the African Union), Liberia helped champion the liberation struggles of many former European colonies in all of Africa.If part or all of the essence of observing Black History Month, therefore, is to be interpreted to mean honoring the achievements of a segment of God’s creation who were held in bondage for centuries, then why has Black History Month been so distinctly unable to link to Liberia as a shining example of black achievements? If Liberia, in the history of humankind, was the torchbearer of black freedom, independence, and self-governance, then why do planners at Black History Month festivities pay death ears and play blind eyes to the crucial relationship between two sisterly establishments that are so culturally interwoven?According to Dr. Carter Woodson, co-founder of Black History Month, the number one goal of observing black history is to bring awareness to the crucial roles blacks played in both American and world history. Incidentally, a major part of such roles was played decades earlier by the establishment of the first Negro republic. Hence, if the organic laws of Liberia have anything to do with proclaiming equal rights and justice for people of color everywhere, as they certainly do, then the ASAALH as parent organization of Black History Month Festivities, must step up to this challenge by calling a spade a spade. Let each annual observance of Black History Month include public proclamation about the founding of Liberia (Land of Liberty) as the first significant step of the Blackman’s march to freedom and equality. It is not enough to argue, as some may be tempted to, that because Liberia is not a part or territory of the United States, due credits for successes of the black liberation struggles should not be extended thereto. Under whatever canopy, such argument would not hold air because, as indicated supra, the first written account of self-governance by a group of blacks was that occasioned by the establishment of Liberia, a nation founded by former slaves from the United States. I am strongly convinced that the resolve of an oppressed people to meander their way out of slavery and established a constitutional democracy is a milestone worth emulating, even so at all commemorations of Black History Month. In essence, when it comes to the political achievements of black ancestors, there must be no boundaries even as to politics, economics or other non-political occurrences.

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Now let us return to the brief review of the establishment of Liberia as the first black independent nation founded solely by African Americans with support from the American Colonization Society, ACS. The ACS was co-founded by Henry Clay, John Randolph and Richard Bland Lee and officially established in Washington D.C. on December 16, 1826. This was nearly fifty years before slavery was outlawed in the United States. According to Wikipedia, the ACS was principally founded as a vehicle to support the return of black people to what was considered “greater freedom” in Africa. With support from prominent activists including Paul Cuffe, a mixed race and a wealthy New England ship owner, the ACS received support from many black leaders and members of congress for an emigration plan. “Under the protection of Captain Paul Cuffe and his crew of seven, eight adults and twenty children crammed aboard the seventy-foot brig headed for their new homesteads” (Paul Cuffe, Black Entrepreneur and Pan-Africanist, Thomas 101). From 1811 to 1816, Cuffe financed and captained successful voyages to Africa. Between 1820 and 1822, the ACS in conjunction with prominent black leaders and activists, founded the nation of Liberia with the sole purpose of repatriating from the United States all freed men of color. Eventually, the dreams of Entrepreneur Cuffe became a reality (Thomas 119).Superficially, the role of the American Colonization Society in the repatriation efforts of Africans appeared genuine with a purported claim of giving black people the opportunity to live “fuller lives” in Africa. However, as it played out, no sooner did it become evident that nearly all of the advocates for the repatriation of blacks who participated in the resettlement arguments did so for motives far unrelated to genuine concerns for the black man’s right to life and liberty. For example, the American Colonization Society and the Quakers or various Christian leaders who supported the abolition of slavery in collaboration with ordinary slaveholders, saw the resettlement of freed slaves to Africa primarily as the safest way to abort perceived threats from free blacks to the (American) society. Although members of the ACS officially denounced slavery in all its form, many were openly racists as they argued that blacks would be unable to fit into the white society of America.As we observe Black History each year, it is important that we soberly reflect on the colossal controversies in history that have attended the denial of the rights of the black man to live freely, independently and happily. Unlike the Civil Rights Movement of the 1950s and the 1960s, the resettlement efforts in the pre-revolutionary civil war era resulted from a variety of motives. As mentioned above, many slaveholders and some abolitionists held strong views that blacks could not achieve equality in the United States, no matter what. In addition, there were those who became progressively more apprehensive that increasing number of free black slaves would eventually encourage slave revolts, while others out-rightly perceived the Black man as a burden to society and a threat to white workers because they (black) were paid much lower wages. As above mentioned, some members of the ACS who denounced slavery in all its form, were openly racists. They, too, argued likewise.In consequence of these pathetic accounts in the archives of black history, it is my fervent opinion that the concluding paragraph of this article calls into focus the broken & forgotten link between the Association for the Study of African American Life and History (ASAALH) and Black History Month on the one hand, and the Republic of Liberia on the other. Besides being a torchbearer of freedom for people of color, the Republic of Liberia was founded for and by African Americans nearly two hundred years ago. When Dr. Carter Woodson and Rev Jesse E. Moorland co-founded the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History back in 1915, they did so to spotlight the many roles black people played in the world that were often ignored or never referenced. In black history, therefore, Liberia was the first symbol of black freedom and independence and if Black History Month annually recollects eminent black achievements in history, then the former and the latter are closely related. They both exemplify the success stories of all black people. The two are directly related. Link them!The End

Help For the Partners of Sex Addicts

October 26, 2016

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ’s)· What is sex addiction?Sex addiction is an obsessive relationship to sexual thoughts, fantasies or activities that an individual continues to engage in despite adverse consequences. These thoughts, fantasies or activities occupy a disproportionate amount of “psychic space”, resulting in an imbalance in the person’s overall functioning in important areas of life, such as work and marriage. Distress, shame and guilt about the behaviors erode the addict’s already weak self-esteem.Sexual addiction can be conceptualized as an intimacy disorder manifested as a compulsive cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, sexual behavior, and despair. Central to the disorder is the inability of the individual to adequately bond and attach in intimate relationships. The syndrome is rooted in early attachment failure with primary caregivers. It is a maladaptive a way to compensate for this early attachment failure. Addiction is a symbolic enactment of deeply entrenched unconscious dysfunctional relationships with self and others.While the definition of sex addiction is the same as that of other addictions, sexual compulsion is set apart from other addictions in that sex involves our innermost unconscious wishes, needs, fantasies, fears and conflicts.Like other addictions, it is relapse prone.· How do I know if my partner is a sex addict?Sometimes, it’s difficult to know whether someone close to you has an addiction. The addict might hide the addictive behavior or you might not know the warning signs or symptoms.Here are some of the signs and symptoms:* Staying up late to watch television or surf the Web.* Looking at pornographic material such as magazines, books, videos and clothing catalogs.* Frequently isolating themselves from spouses or partners, and doesn’t inform them of their whereabouts.* Are controlling during sexual activity or have frequent mood swings before or after sex.* Are demanding about sex, especially regarding time and place.* Gets angry if someone shows concern about a problem with pornography* Offers no appropriate communication during sex* Lacks intimacy before, during and after sex, and offers little or no genuine intimacy in the relationship* Does not want to socialize with others, especially peers who might intimidate them* Fails to account for increasing number of toll – 800 or 900 – calls* Frequently rents pornographic videotapes* Seems to be preoccupied in public with everything around them* Has tried to switch to other forms of pornography to show a lack of dependency on one kind; concoct rules to cut down but doesn’t adhere to them* Feels depressed* Is increasingly dishonest* Hides pornography at work or home* Lacks close friends of the same sex* Frequently uses sexual humor* Always has a good reason for looking at pornography (Psych Central.com).· Why can’t he/she control his/her sexual behavior?It’s important for you to know that your partner is not volitionally involved in these behaviors so you can begin to understand and, perhaps, forgive. Most addicts would stop if they could.It’s been said that of all the addictions, sex is the most difficult to manage. This syndrome is a complex mixture of biological, psychological, cultural, and family-of-origin issues, the combination of which creates impulses and urges that are virtually impossible to resist. Despite the fact that acting them out produces considerable long-term negative consequences, the addict simply cannot resist his/her impulses. Individuals who are highly disciplined, accomplished and able to direct the force of their will in other areas of life fall prey to sexual compulsion. More importantly, people who love and cherish their partners can still be enslaved by these irresistible urges.Research has also shown that the inability to control sexual impulses is associated with neurochemical imbalances in the norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine systems. The use of certain anti-depressants (SSRI’s) has thus shown to be very effective in treating the impulse control problems of many sexual compulsives.Biological predisposition contributes and combines with psychological factors. One of the reasons the “erotic haze” is so compulsory is that it is an unconscious but maladaptive way to repair earlier disturbed, anxiety-laden relationships. It shores up an inadequate sense of self which results from these early-life interpersonal abandonments, intrusions and misattunements.This combination of biological and psychological factors results in an “affective disorder” in the sex addict. Feeling of depression, anxiety, boredom and emptiness are quickly alleviated by immersing oneself in an imaginary world that provides novelty, excitement, mystery and intense pleasure. Sex addiction is better than Prosac. It heals, it soothes, it contains, it provides a “safe place” free from the demands of actual performance, and it gives an illusory sense of belonging. The sense of empowerment in the illicit sex act rectifies “holes in the soul” and lifts the addict from feelings of inadequacy, insufficiency, depression and emptiness into a state of instant euphoria.Relinquishing this very special (but delusional) mental and physical state can result in a sense of withdrawal which may include mood swings, inability to concentrate and irritability. These symptoms usually disappear in therapy as the sense of self is solidified and he finds more creative ways to deal with uncomfortable feelings.· What are the effects of cybersex addiction on the relationship?Effects of sex addiction on the sex addict’s partner can be numerous, encompassing a wide range of emotions and reactive behaviors. The sexual codependent’s experience is similar to, but not thoroughly identical to, a codependent person in a relationship with a substance abuser. A codependent partner of a drug addict or alcohol, for example, may manage to understand and even sympathize with her partner’s alcohol problem due to the lesser social condemnation.But a compulsive addiction that involves engaging in sexual activities on the computer or outside of the home inflicts a psychic injury of ultimate betrayal. Sexuality goes to the heart of who we are.Arguable, one purpose and outcome of cybersex is to detach and disconnect sexual experience from real relationships in life. Cybersex’s primary stimulus to autoerotic behavior produces profound disconnection of the sexual experience from relationship context and meaning. Compulsive viewing of pornography, for instance, in no way supports or fosters intimate, attachment-linked sexual gratification, anchored in emotional connection, intimate responsiveness and relationship fidelity.Cybersex addiction reinforces a non-intimate, non-relational, and non-demanding sexual experience — a detached, disconnected physical arousal geared to the self-engrossed preoccupation typical of addictive sexual behavior. Cybersex entrenches emotional, psychological and spiritual/existential disconnection of sexuality from relationship context. Entrance into the “erotic haze” that encompasses the sex addict induces sexual arousal, climax and resolution without real relationship attentiveness, responsiveness, or commitment – the key dimensions of a loving attachment.The behavior directly undermines trust in the couple’s relationship. Thus, the sexual dynamics depicted in cybersex are inherently detrimental and destructive to secure attachment that is essential to a sense of trust in the relationship.It is also reasonably anticipated that a husband’s deception and lying – the existence of a “secret world” apart from the primary relationship is an overlapping, yet also separate detrimental influence upon relationship trust.For some women, this lack of trust in their husband’s word – leads to uncertainty about the “substance” of the man they married, uncertainty about his true identity and a change in their perception of his identity – that of seeing him as fundamentally untrustworthy and of disreputable character. Thus, their internal model of their husband changes.Others may feel that the husband is unable to fulfill marital expectations of emotional intimacy and companionship. They talk about not trusting that their husband would fulfill the role of being someone who could provide emotional support. They feel unable to turn to their husbands for this emotional support for different reasons: fearing she would trigger a relapse; feeling rejected because of his involvement in computer sex; sensing her husband’s inability to provide emotional support; being shamed by a husband’s angry or dismissive response from her attempts to reach out for support and companionship; or resolving that her husband was emotionally preoccupied with his own struggle with addiction.The addict’s use of cybersex causes self doubt and lowered self esteem in the spouse. These women feel they aren’t pretty enough or skinny enough, or whatever. In any event, the feel that they are not what their husbands want. Some feel that if they were more sexually desirable, he wouldn’t have this problem. Sometimes, in a frantic effort to compete with unreal women on the internet or with prostitutes, they go to extremes with cosmetic surgery, breast implantation, excessive exercise – in the mistaken belief that if she can lure him back sexually and her husband would stop being interested in pornography and the marriage could be redeemed.Some spouses feel that her husband’s use of internet pornography is a direct attack on her self-worth. They start doubting themselves. They doubt their self-worth. They start doubting the things that used to make them feel special and meaningful. Because if she had any meaning, why was he doing what he’s doing?The wife is often stunned, confused, and in extreme pain upon discovery of the sexual/cybersex addiction. Anger and resentment can be overwhelming. For many partners, the addict’s betrayal can precipitate trauma that resembles post-traumatic stress disorder.A wife can believe that sex is the most important way to express love, so her partner’s sexual acting out can leave her feeling deeply inadequate and unlovable.Within the union, the partner’s low self-esteem can contribute to anxiety and fear of being abandoned. Often she will set aside her moral values and tolerates participating in sexual behaviors with her partner which are unacceptable or even repugnant to her. She feels too unworthy to have solid sexual boundaries. She mistakenly believes that she can stop his acting out if she satisfies his (insatiable and unrealistic) sexual needs.A surprisingly common effect reported by many partners – after the shock of discovery -is the feeling of losing one’s mind. Obsessing about the details of the sex addict’s betrayal, repeatedly confronting her partner with “evidence” of infidelity and being told she’s “crazy” or “just jealous” results in a loss of focus and an inability to concentrate. Fear and anger aggravate the condition. Furthermore, there is an element of intense shame for both addict and sexual codependent attached to sexual addiction, especially if his interests involve an object, cross-dressing, dominance and submission or children. She isolates herself from friends, family and community due to her shame, which provides fertile ground for depression. In some situations, the partner is brought to a point of absolute despair.Some maladaptive strategic responses the sexual codependent may engage in as a means of coping include excessive alcohol consumption, food binges, excessive house cleaning, and overtime career activity; acts that can serve as distractions from her distrust, pain and hostility. Distractions, of course, provide only a temporary and false “relief” and often create more problems than they solve.When the partner’s anger and resentment are suppressed over a period of time, they eventually explode in a volcano of rage, blame, and furious criticism of the sex addict.The explosion of frustrated emotions can open a door to enormous guilt and remorse, so the partner may forgive the addict’s offenses and not stand clear in setting boundaries for herself. The result is an unfortunate snare for the couple, in which the partner unwittingly enables the sex addict to carry on with his unacceptable pattern of sexual acting out.The converse is true regarding the emotional influences on the wife. She may turn inward, withdraw, stay silent and distant. This can include withdrawing from any sexual activity with the addict. These stonewalling behaviors can ignite strong feelings of shame and rejection in the sex addict. In a way, the partner succeeds in punishing the sex addict through these behaviors. But the price of this punishment may be a return to his active addiction as a way to deal with conflict at home.A tremendously debilitating effect on the partner is to assume all responsibility for the addict’s sexual acting out, and even for all of the problems in the relationship. The sex addict may exploit this to his advantage, perpetuating self-doubt within the partner.For example, the partner may confront her spouse with evidence of a transgression, like a credit card charge to a hotel, but the sex addict is skillful and experienced in deception. He will boldly challenge the partner’s credibility, suggesting she see a “shrink” for being so paranoid and suspicious of him. He can persuasively feign righteous indignation, causing his partner to distrust her own instincts and perceptions, even in the face of tangible evidence.The self doubt can plague the partner, aggravating her confusion and contributing to the feeling of “losing my mind”. Not wanting to continue to feel “crazy”, she may retreat into denial, the basic and most fundamental defense mechanism for both partner and addict. When in denial, she will believe the addict’s lies, however far-fetched they may be. She will accept the unacceptable. Whichever lies the sex addict offers to cover up his addiction, she is compelled to “not rock the boat” in order to assuage her abandonment fears.· What are the characteristics of a sexual codependent?Firstly, let’s consider what codependency is. Codependency is an overworked and overused word and definitions can be confusing. At core, it revolves around a deep fear of losing the approval and presence of the “other”. This underlying fear can result in manipulative behaviors that overfocus on maintaining another person’s presence and approval. Control, obsequiousness, anger, caretaking, and being over-responsible are among the behaviors that can be the manifestations of codependent behavior. Because of dysfunctional family-of-origin issues, codependents learn to react rather than respond to others, take responsibility for others, worry about others, and depend on others to make them feel useful or alive.Codependence also refers to the way events from childhood unconsciously produces attitudes and behaviors that propel people into destructive relationships in the present. The self worth of the codependent comes from external sources. They need other people to give them feelings of self-worth. Codependence is a particular relationship with one’s self in which the person doesn’t trust his or her own experiences. Lacking the inner boundaries necessary to be aware of and express their true wants, feelings, goals and opinions, they are “other-validating”. Having only a reflected sense of self, they constantly seek affirmation and validation from other people because they are unable to endorse and validate from within. “Self-validating” people are able to do this. Co-dependents often focus on an addict’s sobriety as a way to achieve a precarious sense of self- consolidation. Sadly, their behavior often perpetuates the loved one’s addiction.Codependent people believe they can’t survive without their partners and will do anything they can do to stay in the relationship, however painful. The fear of losing their partners and being abandoned (once again) overpowers her ability to make decisions in her own best interests. The thought of addressing the partner’s addiction can be terrifying: they may be frightened of igniting the partner’s anger which can result in feeling emotionally flooded by (childhood) fears of loss.The sexual co-dependent suffers from additional symptoms: driven by the potential loss of the relationship, which she sees as identical with her very identity, some women engage in sexual activities with their partners that they find distasteful or even morally repugnant – all in an effort to keep him home and happy. However, this type of fantasy-based acting out may not be based on her real sexual needs and desires and opens the way to turning his partner into yet another object. Certain kinds of sexual acting out can turn sex into another fix for him. The partner senses this, making her sense of sexual betrayal even more poignant.In couples where one partner is ciphering off his erotic energies from the primary relationship, there are invariably problems with the couple’s own sexual expressiveness. He becomes sexually demanding. She expresses her resentment about this by not being sexually responsive. He may lose erotic interest in her, as she never lives up to the thrill of fantasy-based sexual enactments. The sense of having a person-related, intimate sexual encounter may diminish. Erotic expression between the couple can easily dry up, leaving the sexual co-addict feeling even more diminished as a woman and as a person.Sexual co-dependents have an inordinate need to get the information straight. “Detectiving” is a common activity: checking his computer, looking up names and numbers, or desperately looking for scraps of paper with numbers written on them. One client even invited a prostitute her spouse had frequented into her home because she wanted to know the details. The need-to-know provides the partner with a way to check up on her own reality (“Am I crazy or is this really happening?”) and provides her with a sense of much-needed (although illusory) sense of mastery over an out-of-control situation. Especially in light of the addict’s continual denial, the co-addict has a need to provide “evidence” to ensure her soundness of mind — a ploy that rarely works and is exceedingly exhausting.The final distinction between sexual co-addicts and other co-dependents is the shame associated with this “secret”. Sex as an addiction is rarely discussed in “polite society” and there is a huge social stamina associated with it. Sexually addicted clients often tell me that they’d rather be alcoholics or drug addicts. The stigmatization of this compulsion almost ensures that the sexual co-dependent will want to hide or to provide a good “front” to deal with feelings of shame and despair. She may become socially isolated because she can’t discuss the situation with friends. Depression easily enters into an emotional environment of isolation and shame. Keeping secrets about important dimensions of life ensure that the issues underlying them will not be healed.· What’s involved in therapy for someone who is the partner of a sex addict?There is hope. The pain the sexual co-dependent experiences is normal. Learning a partner is sexually addicted can be devastating and debilitating. The betrayal triggers a myriad of strong emotions. Feelings of anguish, despair, rage, hopelessness and shame may overtake her. She may feel alone in unchartered territory, wondering “Where do I go from here?”Psychotherapy is extremely important. Be sure to find a therapist conversant with these issues. What should happen in your therapy?Treatment for sexual codependence can become a process of continued growth, self-realization and self-transformation. Working through feelings of victimization can lead to a new sense of resiliency. Going through this process can be an avenue to discovering meaning and to building stronger self-esteem. Challenges faced can elevate one to a higher level of well-being. A sense of serenity and peace from the appreciation of having worked through this process may occur.Lessons not learned in the family-of-origin can be now be learned and worked through: appropriate self-esteem, setting functional boundaries, awareness of, acknowledgment of and expression of one’s personal reality without undo fear of retaliation, and taking better care of one’s adult needs and wants while allowing other adults to take care of theirs are all potential gains to be made in therapy and recovery.Internal and external boundaries will be strengthened. Strong external boundaries will ensure that you will not again put yourself into a victim role. A sense of having internal boundaries will open up new avenues of healthy intimacy as you will know who you are and be able to hear who another is. At the heart of healthy intimacy is the ability to share your real self with another and be available when someone else shares his real self with you.The sexual co-depenent may find she no longer needs to bend herself into a pretzel to accommodate others. Rejection or disapproval may be unpleasant, but not devastating. Compromising personal integrity in order to get external approval and validation will cease. With increased self-knowledge comes the ability to Self-validate while still being in a relationship. Self esteem will be generated by her behaviors rather than the approval or validation from others.Finally, time and energy spent on preoccupation and control of the addict can be used to attend to emotional support for the children, to recommit to and obtain increased satisfaction from work, to meet new people, and to develop new recreational activities.· How can I possibly forgive him?Despite the fact that it may seem impossible, forgiveness is a critical part of recovery for the partner of a sex addict. To forgive is not to forget. Forgiving means being able to remember the past without experiencing the pain all over again. It is remembering — but attaching different feelings about the events, and it is a willingness to allow the pain to have decreased relevance over time. Understanding the pain, compulsion and despair that the sex addict has undergone from sexual compulsion can open avenues to compassion.To forgive is important primarily for oneself, not for the person one forgives. The opposite of forgiveness is resentment. When we resent, we experience the pain and anger all over again. Serenity and resentment cannot coexist.The process of forgiveness begins with acknowledging that a wrong has been done to you. You have to recognize that you have strong feelings about what happened and you need to feel and process those feelings. You are entitled to be angry or hurt. Ideally, you can share those feelings with the person who has hurt you in couples counseling. If that is not possible, then you can share the feelings with your therapist or support group. After that, you can choose whether to stay in a relationship with that person. In either case, forgiveness does not imply permission to continue hurtful behaviors. As part of your own treatment, you need to decide which behaviors you can accept in your relationships and which you cannot.The primary goal of forgiveness is to heal yourself. In a partnership affected by sexual addiction, forgiveness is aided by evidence of the partner’s changed behavior and commitment to treatment. These are also elements in rebuilding trust. For many couples, forgiving and learning to trust again go hand in hand. Both take time, making amends, continued treatment and steady, continual, trustworthy behavior on the part of the addict.After the acting out has stopped, it’s critical to not use his past behavior as a “hook” to punish or manipulate him. When a desire for revenge exists, you have not forgiven, and you see him in one dimension (“Bastard”). The capacity to see him as a whole person (he’s not just a sex addict, he’s many things) will help you move forward. Couples therapy will help you move toward a sense of him as a multidimensional person with on-going issues.· I’m incredibly frustrated that he/she won’t tell the truth. Even when I present “evidence”, he denies his sexual acting out. How can I ever trust a man who so blatantly lies to me?Sex addiction thrives in secrecy. Addicts will go to any length to protect their double life. Denial, (“Don’t Even Know I’m Lying”) plays a huge part in any addiction process. The reality of the acting out is protected from the conscious mind. If the addict is unaware of the truth, how can he tell you?The very thinking process of the addict becomes impaired as he becomes immersed in the denial process, giving way to the minimization of the extent of his behavior. This connects with “rationalization”: i.e. “I’m not really cheating” – “All guys do this” – “I’m not hurting anyone” – “I work hard so I deserve some pleasure.” This combination of denial, minimization and rationalization makes it extremely difficult for him to know the truth.More complexing is the phenomenon of “dissociation”, or “The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” syndrome. Dissociation is a clinical process that characterizes multiple personality disorder. While I’m not saying the sex addicts have MPD, I am suggesting that some of the same characteristics of that disorder are shared. One side of the personality protects the other side from the truth. Some level of dissociation is in every man who has a “double life”. Each side of the personality has different values, goals, beliefs and needs that conflict with the other side.This is why, when the sexual acting out is finished, the addict feels so distressed and shameful. Mr. Hyde does the acting out and Dr. Jekyll experiences the remorse.When the addict is acting out, he has feelings of being disconnected from himself and his environment. Clients speak of “the bubble”, the “erotic haze”, “zoning out”, and “feeling apart from myself and watching myself from afar “, of feeling “foggy” or “not feeling like a real person” Losing track of time is common as is feeling outside oneself as both an observer and a participant. Emotions are numbed; the fantasy creates an alternate reality which obscures the truth of “what is”.Once in therapy, a primary issue that arises is a feeling of a fragmented sense of self or being unsure of his identity. Therapy will help him get to the bottom of hidden parts of himself that he may not have fully understood or been able to control until treatment starts to work. Only by getting in touch with hidden parts of himself will the full realization of his talents and strengths be realized and fulfillment in his personal relationships can begin to unfold.· I don’t see how our relationship can survive the emotional pain and chaos of his sexual addiction. Have other couples been able to work through these issues? How have they done it?When at least one member of a couple is sexually addicted, restoring trust and building intimacy can be very difficult. These couples must work as hard on their recovery together as a couple as they do on their individual recoveries.One of the great challenges to recovery from sexual compulsivity is restoring or building an intimate relationship with a committed partner. Many existing relationships are seriously impaired and often don’t survive because of sexual acting out. The partner of the sex addict’s ability to trust is obviously damaged. The psychodynamic and behavioral issues underlying sexual addiction contribute to obstacles to overcoming and building intimate and committed relationships.The good news is that we have seen from our experience that not only is it possible to repair, rebuild, or newly build a committed relationship, but the level of emotional and physical intimacy that comes from working on these issues together is sustaining, gratifying and growth-producing for each member of the couple.· How can couples counseling help us?Most couples who come for couples therapy after discovery are in a high state of reactivity, with communication being limited to blame/defense. There is a high degree of projection (seeing the things you like least about yourself in your partner) and a small degree of self-focus. The tendency is to react immediately and emotionally, with no time given for reflective thinking. One task of the therapist is to create a safe, non-volatile space by gradually guiding each person to commit to self-focus which reduces blame and defense.The therapist will do some psychoeducational pieces on sex addiction and co-addiction to normalize each person’s feelings and further reduce blame. Nothing can be done about the quality of the marriage unless each person commits to a personal program of recovery: an “S” meeting for the addict, and COSA or S-Anon for the co-addict. The couple can come out of the shadow of shame about living with sex addiction through identifying with others who have gone through similar experiences. Here, finally, they find people they can talk to about what they’ve been hiding from family and friends. Regular attendance at meetings gives structure and accountability to the life of the sex addict. A co-addict who works on the steps with a trusted sponsor is renewing her commitment to focus on herself and her own issues, renouncing her focus and pre-occupation with the addict.Sex addicts and sexual codependents usually have never experienced healthy bonding with and nurturing from their parents. This impairs their ability to have successful bonding and separation in subsequent relationships in adult life. The therapist might construct a “genogram” which is a graphic depiction of three generations of each person’s family. It shows psychiatric and physical problems throughout the generations such as alcoholism, divorce, hospitalizations,etc. The genogram also reveals the quality of family relationships, indicating where there was enmeshment and where there was distancing. With a clear understanding of family-of-origin issues, the couple can understand themselves and each other and develop awareness of what triggers are coming from the past.Couples counseling enables the couple to reach a point of mutual interdependence in which both partners have lives outside of the relationship, but also feel committed to it. The partners need each other, but are comfortable with independent lives of their own. Over time, each develops a new sense of “Self”-in relationship.Both members of the relationship are encouraged to accept mutual responsibility for the dysfunction in the relationship. As long as one partner is blaming the other for all of their couple problems, progress will be slow. Recounting the history of the relationship will be a part of this process. How have each other’s addictions and co-addictions affected the relationship? What consequences have been experienced? What strategies have the partners tried to heal themselves that haven’t worked? What are the repetitive arguments and fights? What is the nature of the collective shame in the relationship? How does each partner trigger the other’s issues?Each individual in the couple learns how to exchange instant gratification for the joy of ongoing intimacy. Sexual addict/codependents find that this intimacy and the trust, mutual understanding, and the emotional/spiritual/physical closeness it creates from having done the work can be qualities that few couples ever experience.

Flavor Pairings: Why Grow Herbs For Cooking, Cocktails, And Culinary Crafts

September 10, 2016

I remember my first herb class on growing herbs for culinary and creative crafts. I left that annual herb sale with young fragrant plants, with just enough knowledge to be dangerous wielding a trowel, and a perpetual enthusiasm that all contributed to help me form my first edible garden oasis.After a trip to Home Depot, I was armed with shiny silver tools, bags of potting soil to house my foliage friends, fertilizer to make them grow, and the inner drive to begin digging my way to becoming a green thumb farmer girl!Now, 20 years later, it’s hard to imagine my kitchen without a bunch of basil on the counter, herbs drying on racks, and jars of dried oregano and chocolate mint within easy reach at each meal. From summer’s juicy ripe berries, peaches, and tomatoes to fall’s vibrant harvest of squash, pumpkin, and sweet potatoes, onto holiday turkey and ham feasts, and into hearty winter stews and casseroles, herbs enhance every season’s fare!

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I’m still thrilled to witness the miracle of propagation each time with every plant. I shelter them in stormy weather, talk to them while watering, trim their leaves, and weed their beds. In return, I’m rewarded with savory, spicy, and fruity aromas, a relaxing hobby, a healthy method of adding flavor to food and cocktails that lasts all year long, and great natural photography backgrounds!Do you have herbs and are looking for ideas on how to use them? Do you see those little plastic packets of greenery hanging in the grocery store but have no clue what to do with them? Maybe you want to expand your culinary horizons and explore your green thumb capabilities? Many people are lured into using fresh herbs through the culinary route.This is the first in a series of articles on growing herbs for cooking, cocktails, and culinary crafts. Plus tips on pairing all kinds of flavors, from custom infused oils and balsamic vinegars to herbs, spirits, sweet and savory dishes. When you marry the right foods together into a succulent harmonious balance, the results are amazing and herbs contribute such character to your cuisine.This isn’t about becoming a food snob or being tethered to rules, except for this one; seasoning is vital in cooking and herbs go hand in hand with that philosophy. I’ll offer general guidelines along with novel combinations I’ve discovered but there’s no one taste fits all. It’s thrilling to develop original recipes and tweak the traditional dishes we savor. Play with new ingredients. It’s great fun to use homegrown edibles but if you don’t want to grow plants yourself, buy a few freshly packaged herbs from the store and practice cooking with them.Be daring with oil and vinegar selections. There’s a wonderful store called Savor The Olive in Virginia Beach that is a tasting room full of unique fused and infused oils and light and dark balsamic vinegars. If you have one of those in your area as well as wine tastings, take advantage of going for a visit. Experiment, so that your sense of taste gets stronger and more acute and it will tell you how much to use.

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Herbs add to the enjoyment of cooking and help you personalize what you’ve prepared. Being a chef is an art. Each person has a unique touch and flavor palate. The kitchen is your studio, the plate your blank canvas. Let instinct and imagination guide you. Herbs are one of the tools in your aromatic arsenal that enable you to present a mouthwatering masterpiece.Hope you’ll join me on a tasting tour of my fertile little deck farm as we pinch and smell the herbs, swirl and taste the wine, envision what main course will be the star of the plate, and tempt your taste buds with food that’s appealing to the eye and tongue.

Using Consumer Information on Wrinkle Creams

September 30, 2016

Consumer information on wrinkle creams can be found in magazine, newspaper, television and internet advertisements. It can also be found on consumer websites. Websites of the manufacturers’ of the products you are interested in should be checked out well. A reputable company will back its products’, be willing to back up the claims with real research. Such a company will offer free samples and trial period.Some of the claims made by wrinkle cream products are that their product(s) are the best and say things such as “1 out of 10 doctors recommend this.” They claim that you can get immediate results, something that has a grain of truth. When applied to your skin products can give you results but when the product is removed there is no improvement. True results happen over time and are much longer lasting.

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Consumer information may provide data about the ingredients including how they work and the effects they have on your skin. There are some ingredients that are very harmful and others that are extremely beneficial. The ingredients of wrinkle creams and other skin care products are listed on the label. The only problem is that this can be deceptive. For example, collagen is used in injections of the lips but this type is made of ground up chicken feet and beaks and ages your skin. You may see a couple of ingredients that are beneficial but they are only in minimal amounts – just enough so companies can legally list them.Petroleum and petroleum based products are linked to the break down of your skin. This includes alcohols and mineral oil. Nitrosamines can from when amines (DEA, MEA, TEA) become mixed with preservatives that release formaldehyde (bronopol or quatemium-15). They are known carcinogenic agents. Paraben, a preservative is used because it’s cheap and may be linked to cancer as well. Talc, found in cosmetics and powders has been linked to ovarian cancer when it’s used on the genital area.There are natural ingredients that are both safe and effective. There are plant based alcohols. They are very soothing to your skin. Aqua is not tap water. It is water that has been purified using reverse osmosis and high heat sterilizing processes. Active Manuka honey from the manuka bush is both antimicrobial and antibacterial.A group of three active ingredients are used as a base of skin care products. Phytessence Wakame heals dry skin and irritations. It helps to strengthen collagen and also strengthens elastin. It might aid tissue repair. Nano-lipobelle H-EQ10 is used because it can penetrate as deep as the seventh layer of skin easily. Anew agent called Cynergy TK lets the body to make its own collagen and elastin again. They all promote the necessary hydration of your skin.

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There are other natural ingredients such as grape seed oil, macadamia oil, and avocado oil. Beeswax is harvested from honeycomb and twice purified to get rid of all toxins and impurities. Witch hazel extract is astringent . It is also an antioxidant.Consumer information on wrinkle creams can be very helpful in choosing skin care products. It can also provide information on product recalls. It is advisable to check it out before purchasing anything.